Mastering the art of loneliness…
Is that a thing sef?
Perhaps it is learning to be there for you, to show up and find inner stability and perfect harmony even before “the one” comes.
I think the majority have been imprisoned with the notion that happiness only lies within the arms of a partner. That marriage is the ultimate fulfilment and singleness is a disease. Here in Africa, it’s worse! Single women are often labelled irresponsible, arrogant or just some irrational reason to justify their misguided opinion. Singles lie at the mercy of family, friends and even church leaders forcing you to attend every deliverance service like you carry a demon driving your lover far away from you. There is always a singles conference waiting for you.
When are we going to break out of this shell and unwrap the gift of singleness?
When are we going to come into the space of singleness and embrace all that’s embedded within?
Singleness is a safe space if you are willing to commit to loving yourself.
You know that space? where your happiness is not waiting on another human to fill any void.
That space where contentment is all you have within you and when it seems small, really it isn’t. The peace that comes with it is priceless! Your soul resonates with vibrations of peace knowing you’re flourishing.
That space where you’re done waiting on some external entity to deliver Joy to your doorsteps.
In this space, you value friendships and relationships but the anchor of your soul is not just rooted in them.
In this space, you are not afraid of loneliness and perhaps, you’re mastering it!
In that space, you can say with confidence and a resounding echo of self-worth that loneliness is not a disease.
Besides, it’s seasonal…
And the fact that one can be surrounded by people and still feel lonely hints that it’s not a people problem, it’s a self-problem–an Identity issue!
There are moments when I’ve felt abandoned while in the midst of people and there are times when I’m shot into euphoria with just me, myself and I.
Community is important but maybe not so important that they become idols, deserving every bit of worship and reverence.
Another kind of Phobia
There is another kind of phobia we don’t consider, it is fear of being by your self!
It’s not really that you like people or places. You know you are not so extroverted, you’re just scared of drowning in silence, scared of hearing your own voice. You are scared of your heart. So you try to fill that void with people, even meaningless and unproductive conversations.
You hide your real fears behind the mask of relationships. Deep down you don’t really want to be in that circle, you’re just helpless.
Is this not an attempt to evade your reality?
How you could you possibly be flawed beyond redemption? What fear plagues your heart?
Not cute enough? Not tall enough? Too much melanin? What lies exactly have you believed?
What society calls flaws is simply beauty that their eyes haven’t beheld yet and wonder their minds cannot comprehend.
I can’t fix your fears but I know just one solution to your feeling of not being enough? Do you want to know what it is?
You need to change your standards!
Perhaps you are judging your self by the wrong standards.
You have allowed insecure people to define singleness for you. You have listened too long to the wrong voices speaking shallow values to your belief system.
What’s the question now?
Loneliness offers us an invaluable opportunity for self-awareness. You can’t wear a mask forever, pretending to be strong when you are helplessly weak. It is in loneliness that we learn to face our fears. We become aware of the rhythms of our heart, we can dance to the silent beats in our heart and not feel abashed.
It is in loneliness we learn to embrace our emotions; we embrace it as a necessary part of our humanness.
The question is not if people like or accept you.
The question is DO YOU LIKE YOU?
Do I accept myself with all the crazy and messy and grumpy and cranky elements I come with?
Am I at peace being alone with me?
Before I desire love from the external, is there an equal supply of love and support from within?
Do I love my self?
Am I afraid to be alone with me; to be self-conscious of me, of all the bizarre thoughts and wild ideas swimming across this mind of mine?
Yeah, so maybe mastering loneliness is actually a thing.
To embrace those seasons where it’s just you and you and you.
Don’t think for a moment that loneliness is a disease and believe the notion that loneliness kills. Let’s say it’s true, not entirely though.
This one is different
This kind of loneliness where contentment, Joy and Perfect peace are in regular attendance definitely cannot kill. Because this loneliness has not turned you to a cynic neither has it cast a spell of paranoia on you. You are single, you are alone with you, your circle is small still, you are whole! nothing is missing. Nothing at all.
This Loneliness is a blessing. You get the benefit of self-awareness which relationship steals sometimes.
You get the chance to fill every pothole of low self-esteem and exalt valleys of insecurities.
You can know yourself and accept your foibles for what they are. Not as limitations but as artistic twists that decorate your work of art.
You are not lonely, you are whole and fully aware of the amazing soul embodied within this human frame made of dust.
You see, now you’re not afraid to be alone because you are at peace within yourself.
So even if “Boo” doesn’t come anytime soon, or no “BFF” zone to flex in yet; nothing is wrong with you.
In fact, nothing do you!!
You’re whole, your sanity is preserved.
You can manage within and without. You are perfectly fine, your identity is not hidden in another human, there is enough reserve in your Love tank for your self.
See how it overflows in undiluted love for other humans like you. You know who you are!
Congratulations! you have mastered the art of loneliness.
How do you handle loneliness? Share with me your tips down below!
Love X Light, Zamy❤